I think i peed on brittanys purse
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
