pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So much rum. So many feels.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
