i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
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