I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
