He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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