Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
