so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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