You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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