dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
