NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
