youre lurking in front of me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Come see our sink grown plant.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
