So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
