he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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