i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
