I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my sisters under your porch take her home
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
