bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
