I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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