just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
