just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
nutella sex= disaster
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
