went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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