Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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