I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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