This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
