the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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