I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize