what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize