I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
