well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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