so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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