i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
