I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
17 year olds will be the death of me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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