if you like me you must not know who I am
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
