I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
