He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize