I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
