I want to stick my p in your. b.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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