Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
