words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
