Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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