Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my shit smells like andre
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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