OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
