You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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