he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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