hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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