Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize