Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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