after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
