So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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