man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hippo gnu deer
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
