so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
