I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
