I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
