that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
