Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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