my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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