Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My penis needs a shock collar
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
