I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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