Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
