so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
