Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
