My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
