hotel room ftw
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
