Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize