So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
