I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
