What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
