??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize