I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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