Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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