I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
