My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
