i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
