for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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