I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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