Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
