I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
