I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
