u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
