I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
