Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
