chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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