I wish I could teleport
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
