My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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