I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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