Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
