Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
