This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
