and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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